I have been told numerous times by myself, and by countless others that I have to get away from this town. At least for a while. When I think about it, I would love to leave and go out on my own for a while. I have been invited to South Carolina with my second family (You know who you are) I had a blast, different people, different surroundings and such. While I was there, I relaxed alot more than I do here at home. I couldn't help but think about home when I was away, it was almost like magnetism pulling me back. There is nothing holding me back from leaving, its all a matter of choice. The main thing I don't want to leave behind is the bowling alley, I practically grew up there, I know all the people there, its like a big family to me. Nobody has ever done me wrong there, and I am always given good advice when I need it. Some other things that I stay here for is some really good friends that I don't know what I would do without (you know who you are).

Most of my friends are older, and more mature than people my age. When I went through school, I lacked book knowledge, but had a wealth of common sense, this fact I am proud of. Many people I grew up with were the complete opposite. They had an un-ending amount of book knowledge, and no common sense. This is why I didn't make many friends growing up. I find it hard to make friends, because I never know where to start. You can't just walk up to someone and say, "Would you like to be my friend?" It just doesn't work that way. This is another reason I stay here, if I go somewhere else I will not have the few good friends to talk to, and I won't be making any new ones.

I always found myself to be a decent person to talk to if advice is needed. I will do the best I can to help you out. I, however cannot understand that the advice I give is usually not what people want to hear. I have no trouble saying that I have never had a "girlfriend" I have a few friends that are girls however. I have made attempts at getting a girlfriend, usually ending in failure. These are the people who usually ask me for advice, and when I give them advice, its like pain that is self inflicted. I don't really want to give these people advice, but I always try to help out, no matter who you are.

People say I grew up in an odd household situation. I live with my parents and my grandmother on my mothers side also lives with us. I love them dearly. My parents never pushed anything on me, never told me I had to do this, or do that. I was never forced to go to a church, or belong to any activities. They took me bowling when I turned 3 and I have been bowling ever since. I am glad they did, I don't know what I would be doing without that. As for school sports, I never belonged to any. I had a small desire to play football, but I knew my back was not strong enough.

A large sum of the friends I have right at the moment I met on the internet, and I have no regrets about that, they are all good people and none of them are robots, or computers that can understand what I am saying and reply. I can make friends a ton easier on the internet for some reason. Maybe because the computer is like a mask. These people didn't know me until I just showed up one day and started chatting. If friends were this easy to make in person, I would have tons and tons of friends. Like I said before, many of my friends are adults. I find it easier to make friends with older people because there is usually no judgement on their part. I got along great with many of my teachers, but there were a select few that acted childish when it came to being a friend.

I will let you know now that when I was growing up, I was usually alone. I had one good friend while I made my way through elementary school, and you know who you are. People in my age group usually outcast people wo don't have any friends, how ironic. I was never popular, was never with the "in crowd". I have never done drugs or smoked but I have gotten drunk a few times, but it wasn't to wallow in depression, it was because of good events like birthday parties, or a holiday. Nothing ever got out of hand. As I made my way to junior high school, I found that I had a few more friends than I had in the past. I liked when that happened. Most people though always saw me as what I used to be like and never accepted the fact that I have changed and matured. Still to this day it is like that. When, in fact, they are the ones who have alot of growing up to do.

I have a strong passion for music. Any type of music, as long as it isn't rap, it just doesn't appeal to me. I like anything from old country, to heavy metal. Although I am considered a metalhead and wear Metallica and Pantera shirts on occasion, I am not a stoner, or an alcoholic, or a hell raiser. When I listen to music, its more of a mood thing than a character. I think it is safe to say that I was the biggest metalhead in our school, and if you are popular and mature enough to understand where I am coming from, you know that it didn't work out good for me. When I use the phrase metalhead, I don't mean dressing in black, wearing makeup, or stuff like that, I mean knowledge of the music that I am listening to. Who likes this type of person? Who knows. I do know that people like me usually like others.

As time went on, I got more and more friends, I never made an effort to get them, they just kind of showed up. Right now, present day, I have more friends than I ever thought I would have, and for that I am thankful. I get really confused when people invite me to go and do stuff, or this, or that because it never used to happen. I find it hard to react to this because I was the one who used to want to do things with other people and was usually rejected. A few of the friends I have now are people who used to pick on me, make fun of me, and whatnot. I look at this and say, Why? Why are these people now my friends? They didn't like me before, why now? What did I do to change? The answer is nothing. I didn't ever make a change to gather more friends, all I have done is mature, and they did the same. They are able to look at the present picture.

As I look at my life and where I would like it to go, I am undecided. I am employed at a great job that I love to do, I now have many friends here, and I would never want to leave them. I do, however want to move away. I know my friends are a phonecall or an email away, but I am more of an in-person guy. As I reflect on my life, and how I was treated, I wish it didn't happen that way, I DO wish I had more friends growing up, but I cannot change the past, and right now, I woudn't change it for anything, because I wouldn't be where I am now. I am happy and I am unhappy, its confusing to try and describe. I am happy because I am healthy, I made it through school without failing anything, I have my parents and family and friends. I am unhappy because I have to live around people who haven't noticed yet that I have grown up, and thats the most painful thing of all.

Right now, I would like to thank everyone who has helped me over the years, you know who you are.