It can be very useful to subscribe to Yahoo Picks of the Week. The sites are pretty good. Yippee, here's some more school stories-
Some day in the future I'm going to look back at my high school years and long for things like the voices of the girls behind me in homeroom discussing things like, who is currently trying to get them pregnant, what happened the last time they got busted by the cops (in case you're wondering and I know you are, on Saturday one of them was at a little party and the cops came in but they didn't find the pot because some kid had time to slip it into his boot), and my personal favorite, how much of and which controlled substances they currently have in their possession.
This sub we had for English wrote a note to Mr. Eckely saying that the entire class was retarded.
Overheard in the cafeteria- "Beware of the Almighty Flying Tater Tot."
Seen in cafetreia soon after- The Almighty Tater Tot, flying.
Deep (quite possibly stupid) Thought by Dylan (quite possibly retarded) Flipse- "Internet censorship?!!?! What country are we living in anyway? Idaho?" So I kind of stole part of that from Gary (quite possibly the man) Trudeau.
Overheard- "I'm not doing anything after school, wanna go burn some cows?" I did not, repeat did not make that up.
Be afraid, be very afraid of Williamsport Area High School. This is school spirit week. So today we had a pie eating contest. Wednesday is 60's and 70's dress up day. The other days are too silly to mention. I'm going to let you all in on a little secret. Gather around close, closer, closer, hey that feels nice. *sound of Dylan being smacked upside the head by Jane Pauly* Here it is- The Amish are slowly taking over the world. Now don't tell me you haven't had an eerie feeling that they were up to somthing. Here's the genius of it. It is a well known fact that the faster you travel, the faster you age. Their plan is to live so long that when we are all old and senile they can steal our pensions and rule the Earth! (Along with their leaders The Brain and Pinky of course) The only way to stop them is to drive around backwards (you could walk, but who would want to be late?) so we age in reverse. Then we can go burn all the cows who had planned to take over after the Amish. Chortle, chortle, chortle, chortle. Guffaw, guffaw, guffaw, guffaw.
Here's a little skit I wrote about by life, well maybe not.
Act One, Scene One
Scene begins with Young Johnny standing in the middle of a room, a stack of books in his arms.
Enter Captain Homework
Captain Homework- Young Johnny, instead of being distracted, find a quiet place to do your work. That way you will do well in school and go far in life.
Enter The Supposedly Evil Kumquat Man, King of All Distractions and his henchmen; TV, Football, Friends. One Henchman lurks menacingly in the corner.
Supposedly Evil Kumquat Man, King of All Distractions- Young Johnny, don't do homework. Boys, get that do-gooder Captain Homework.
TV, Football, and Friends all attack Captain Homework, they weaken him greatly, reducing his power, but eventually the Captain defeats them.
Supposedly Evil Kumquat Man, King of All Distractions- Now do you see, Young Johnny? That fool Homework is weak, my minor distractions nearly wiped him out!
Captain Homework- But, (panting) I am still a presence.
Supposedly Evil Kumquat Man, King of All Distractions- You have yet to face my most recent creation, my greatest underling. E-mail, ATTACK!
Captain Homework shrieks like a girl, tries to run, gets stomped on, and beaten around the head and shoulders. Young Johnny makes up his mind and starts hurling his books at Captain Homework. The Captain is turned into a little pile of blue goo, only to be paid attention to in homeroom, lunch and the period right before he is due. Supposedly Evil Kumquat Man, King of All Distractions, Young Johnny, and E-mail all sit down on Young Johnny's couch to watch Monday Night Football and do nothing productive or at all connected with school but write about it in the Fun Facts of the Day.
Tune in next week for more of that weenie Captain Homework's beatings.
Th- th- th- tha- tha- that's all folks!!
Affpuddle (AF-pud-dul) n.
A puddle which is hidden under a pivoted paving stone. You only know it's there when you step on the paving stone and the puddle shoots up your leg.
Young Johnny (Don't even try to act surprised)
